The Far Eastern Chapter
It’s been slightly over 28 hours now that I’ve been stranded at the Suvarnabhumi International Airport, Bangkok. I sit here, marooned, guzzling yet another Singha beer out of sheer boredom, as my advertising campaign (the reason I’m here in the first place) gets shot in downtown Bangkok.
Over the last four hours, I have not budged from the famous @ Airport Bar & Bistro. My Pad Thai (overpriced, like an airport café typically is), has just arrived at the table, and I’ve got guava bits still clinging underneath my teeth, as I contemplate whether to go for yet another Singha beer, or its counterpart, Chang this time around. In Thailand, it seems the Singha/Chang relationship has taken on the Cola War manufacturing machinery pretty much head-on.
Pad Thai over, I suppose I should start at the very beginning as to what made a Gunga Din of me. I remember being particularly excited as we disembarked TG318 yesterday and scrambled to be the first guys on the ‘visa on arrival’ queue. It seemed laggards had to wait a whole 45 minutes for this process to come through. Somehow, this had seemed a tad inconvenient at that point of time. So forms filled and passports in position, we waited for the Thai authorities to wake up to the morning rush (for at 4.45 am, we were most definitely the first lot to show up), and breeze us through immigration.
‘The Setup’
As the scruffy-looking lady finally arrived at the counter, and looked up, I confidently handed her the neatly stacked pile of forms, tickets, and passport I had assembled to facilitate a hasty clearance. Everything seemed de rigueur and mundane procedure. She was leafing through the individual pages of my passport, glancing slantily up at me. I’d been there before, I was thinking. Hurry up!
The scruffy lady kept leafing through my pages, till she finally settled on the cover, and in particular, the top right-hand portion of it, and began to shake her head vigorously. Perplexed, I waited. Finally, she lifted the thing up, and displayed to me (us) the cause for her consternation. There appeared to be a miniscule hole punched at the top right corner of my passport. Now, I had noticed this earlier, but did not assume it meant much, considering that as recently as two months ago, I had flown abroad with the very same passport.. I had even called up my travel agent and chided him for mistakenly punching a hole on my passport, which he had vehemently denied, and assured me repeatedly that it was no cause for concern. Apparently not. I was informed shortly that any disfiguration on a passport rendered it cancelled, and there was no way I was to be granted an entry visa into Thailand, and that I may as well pack off.
A security personnel belonging to the Thai Immigration Police chaperoned us (my hapless colleague was still around, although his visa had been granted already, thank god) to the Thai Air back office situated in an obscure part of the gargantuan airport that I’ve come to know well since. There, I was duly booked on the next Bombay-bound flight, scheduled to take off at 7:40 pm that evening, sollee danku vellymuch.
‘Empire Strikes Back’
But all hope was not lost. The motherland hosted an embassy in the land of Siam, and it is to them that we now turned. My colleague wished me luck, and finally set off for the hotel, so I was truly on my own now. Sitting in the back office on a slinky sofa that had been almost torn to shreds (by other unfortunates perched for long hours, days even, no doubt), I drafted a passionate letter to the First Secretary, informing him of my plight. With great difficulty (the Thai know exactly 3 words in the English language), I managed to fax across my pledge to the Indian Embassy.
Still longer hours of waiting+reading+walking around aimlessly later, I was told that the Embassy had decided to help me, and have drafted a letter that I need to take to the Thai Immigration authorities that may (or may not) help me. Oh, sweet mercy! I was elated, even when the Thai Airways official asked for a whopping 2000 Baht (almost 2600 INR) just to send a courier boy to bring this letter back from the Indian embassy. It seemed there was, finally, a ray of hope.
Reenergized, I finally awoke to the shopping paradise that is the B’kok Int’l, and began aggressively to feed in the deluge of goods and services the western world had to offer. Memorizing sticker prices of duty-free liquor may not be anybody’s idea of fun, but it’s better than a slinky sofa in a grim government back office. In a fit of elation that I’m only hours away from being sorted out, I even gave in to the promised luxury of a Thai foot massage (300 Bahts, 30 mins). Mostly, I was killing time.
After walking the length and breadth of a 3 storied duty-free shopping zone that’s easily a couple of miles long, I finally found my slinky sofa again, severely dismayed that 4 hours had passed by since the courier boy had left the premises, yet still not returned. Another hour and a half later (by now it was 6 pm), he finally returned with the magic letter. I was contemplating that Nehruvian philosophy had its pluses after all as we marched into Immigration HQ (level zero, off gate 13, to add to my superstitious woes).
‘The (Anti) Climax’
A tall, very thin officer was sitting at a computer terminal. I waited a full 15 minutes before he looked up. Squeamishly, I handed him the documents + letter, and was asked to sit down, which I did. Almost disbelievingly, I watched him go through the letter, the passport, the letter again, and so forth, for at least 20 minutes. He then returned to his computer, and spent another 20 minutes doing something that had nothing to do with my case I am guessing, for I could not know better going by the light of the computer screen that reflected on his narrow-rimmed glasses. Finally, he got up, and took the papers to his colleague seated on the adjacent desk. Now the other guy started to go though the documents. At this point, I stopped looking, and decided to concentrate on happy thoughts instead.
Another half hour or so later, the man finally appeared in the room, looked up to me for the very first time, and said just one word.
Ok.
It was over, I was thinking. I am saved. The two officials seemed to assemble a lot of paperwork which included photocopies of my passport (by now I was even allowing myself a smile, of sheer relief no doubt), and began to staple these together.
5 more minutes, I was thinking. 10, max. And then it happened. His facial expression suddenly changed, as he kept staring at the top right corner (again) of the letter the Embassy had sent. Finally, he began to shake his head, and it started to dawn on me that he was not about to stamp clear my passport anymore. Finally, he handed me the letter, and then I realized what had happened. The date read 13.01.2005. That’d be exactly a year ago, for we were nowadays in the Roman Calendar Year 2006. In typical fashion, the Babus had fopped it. And I was to bear the brunt of it.
As panic set in, my first thought was to request the guys to overlook it, but the giant ISO 9002 board hanging like a talisman outside the office made me realize instinctively it won’t work. So I fell back on the other ready tactic every subcontinental is armed with almost genetically. I feigned extreme anguish, nervous breakdown, downright bad luck, even tears welled up to my cheeks. Sympathetic glances were about all I managed. I was well and truly done.
‘The Death’
Back at the Thai office, I was informed that it was too late to catch the Bombay return flight that evening, so I’d have to spend the night at the airport. Duly, I was chaperoned to the 3rd floor, and to my amazement, found myself in a plush ensuite hotel room. The illusion was pretty good, but if you pulled the drapes, you could see long queues of potential visa applicants queued up along dozens of counters 2 levels below. I shut the drapes, and turned on the telly.
I hadn’t called home yet, as earlier I had hoped to do so after having gotten sorted out. So now I had to break the news to my wife, and boss. Painful as it was, I had to reassure all that I was okay, and hopefully will be sorted out first thing in the morning. As luck would have it, the next day was a Saturday, and the Indian Embassy was closed for the weekend. In my heart of hearts, I knew my likely outcome seemed to be aboard the Bombay flight next evening, although I could not bring myself to share this information with neither wife nor boss.
So here I was, trying to organize a smoking room (they had given me a non-smoking one), when I met Al. Al (short for Alla Raka, I later learnt), was a TV baron from Florida, who had somehow managed to lose his passport (or it somehow got nicked, he was convinced it was the Greek woman who sat next to him on the long flight from Kennedy). Being a TV baron, Al knew everyone (including Rupert Murdoch, and yes, Martin Sorell too) who were all extremely concerned for him, going by the frequency of calls he was receiving on his WAP-enabled thingamajig.
We hit it off right away (as if we had a choice), and decided to make the most of it. So we went downstairs to the @ Airport Bar & Restaurant, and took up a table for supper. Al had the curious habit of completely losing his cool every once in a while, and then being profusely sorry for it the next minute. For example, he would recount the story of how the Greek lady was coming on to him through the flight, and bang the table really loud, muttering curses to go with it. Next moment, he was the very picture of benevolence, asking my forgiveness for the vulgar display of temper, and that of patrons in nearby tables who were also now clued into the antics of the man. Since I had nothing to lose, and a whole night, a whole morning, and an entire afternoon to kill, I somehow got back to good spirits. We drank till quite late into the evening, till there came a point when Al\s temper tantrums begun to turn violent. I excused myself then, fearing further damage to my already dismal situation.
Exhausted, I returned to my room, and watching the dribble of mindless mushy Thai commercials on the telly, I called it a night. Tomorrow, as somebody said, would be another day.
‘New Morning’
I decided to sleep late, and not bother. My colleague called in early, and informed me that the Embassy had decided to rectify their mistake, and send across a fresh letter with the correct date imprinted on it. By now, I was really past care. I hmm-hmmed through his reassurances, and went back to sleep. Finally, I showed up at the back office. By now, I had a bevy of friends and well-wishers there, and was welcomed to my slinky sofa once more. The letter was on its way, I was told (4 hours, I quickly calculated), and I settled into my novel.
Thankfully, it was indeed, a new morning. The spell had passed. The morning courier returned at just under 2 hours, and armed with a letter that had the date right, I marched once again into the netherworld of Thai Immigration HQ. It was déjà vu, so I was careful not to look at the officials, and concentrated on my novel instead. A good 45 minutes later (I managed to look up at about the same time as the official did this time around), I was ushered into the ‘Visa on Arrival’ queue, where I found the place invaded by a sea of loud Italians who had evidently just landed a while ago. The Immigration official asked me how much I would pay him if he worked out a hasty 10 minute release for me, as opposed to the gruelling 45 minutes I\d otherwise have to wait.
For the first time in days, I had reason to smile.